I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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