I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
