I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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