I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
