you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
