I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
