i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
