The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
