i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
