It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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