Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
