Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Vodka?
Forever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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