Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize