Tell her she can't have a vagina
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
