the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
