Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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