Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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