Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
