I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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