well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
