My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
