i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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