if you like me you must not know who I am
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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