so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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