I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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