If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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