the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
