Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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