i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
