She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
