The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
