dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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