Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
