dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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