I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
