Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
