There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to make out with him forever
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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