She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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