Say something about gay babies.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They have beer where we have blood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize