I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
