Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
did you just send me my own nude
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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