i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
PANTIES FOUND
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize