He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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