just tell him i said nine months
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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