I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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