Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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