dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
