You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
