Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
