i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
