he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
