she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
