Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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