I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
