So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Randomize
