i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
