now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
