Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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