dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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