So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
