I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Acid is not a monday night drug
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
