he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
