Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
