No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My bed smells like the plague
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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