I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
