Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
