This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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