I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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