Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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