If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
