ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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