She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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