oh god the rape fog is back!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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