But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I met the friendliest cop last night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
