im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am available for nakedness
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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