id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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