haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
